How to Talk Dating Like a Zoomer: Fifty-One Ultra-Specific Words for Love, Sex and Questionable Conduct

This period signifies a ten-year milestone since the word “disappearing” hit the public consciousness. At the time, the idea that someone could suddenly stop communication with a partner without explanation seemed like the peak of rudeness. How naive we were. In the 10 years since, navigating toward a partner has only become more perplexing – an commonly pointless exercise in embarrassment that is increasingly shaped by social media lingo.

Gen Z, a generation who came of age during a loneliness epidemic, a male identity crisis, and a coordinated assault on the freedoms of females and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a infinitely more complex terrain than their Gen Y forerunners could ever imagine. And so their dating glossary has grown more elaborate and more bizarre, with phrases like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” straining the boundaries of your sanity.

What follows is a extensive guide to the terms this generation is using to discuss love, intimacy and the quest of both. To echo one of the year’s most popular memes, by the end of this glossary you’ll ache to get back to a bygone era – because where that is, it is free from “wokefishing”.

The Letter A

Genuineness – According to gen Z, dating’s ideal is showing up as your true, unfiltered self. Best wishes with that!

B

Bird theory – A online phenomenon connected to a methodology developed by couples researchers, in which you bring up something insignificant – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and observe whether your partner’s response is engaged or dismissive. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Black cat girlfriend – Zoomers' response to the “quirky fantasy girl” trope of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend focuses on her own needs while radiating mystery and self-sufficiency. (She might still have baby bangs.)

C

Chair theory – This means going for someone who helps you unprompted. If you walked into a room, they would fetch a seat for you to take a load off.

Choremance – A date where two people connect while running errands, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how financially strained people in their 20s do affordable dating in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Crashing out – Losing it when you feel burdened by life. You can spiral over a crush or breakup, venting all of your unreciprocated emotions.

The Letter D

DINK – Dual income no kids. Once a marker of 80s yuppie affluence, it refers to couples who forgo having children to focus on their own fulfillment. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

E

Vulnerable signaling – The antithesis of being guarded: practicing dialogue, transparency and openness.

F

Flags

• Warning signs – Behavioral traits signaling a potential partner is not right. Such as calling their former partners crazy, subpar gratuity habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a nascent DJ career …
• Green flags – These quirks confirm your choice to date a mate. For instance following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, low screen time, having a proper bed …
• Neutral quirks – These usually describe specific, largely harmless quirks. For instance being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still carrying around a biro in their wallet, paying the rent in cash …

Niche bonding – When you find someone who’s just as obsessive about films about the second world war or DVD collecting or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who loathes the same things or individuals that you do (nothing fosters intimacy faster than having a common enemy).

The Letter G

The band Geese – A musical group a typical Zoomer guy is into.

Ghostlighting – Someone who reappears into your life after a period of disappearing.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is affable, eager to please and loyal. The rare boyfriend who is liked by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's opposite.

Gooners – A mostly online community of men so obsessed with self-pleasure that they attempt lengthy sessions, deliberately postponing climax so they can go on as long as possible.

The Letter H

Pessimistic straight dating – A phenomenon describing many women’s increasing despair toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Manosphere archetype – An ideal championed by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and happily home-oriented, who apparently has no ambitions of her own aside from pleasing her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Ick factors – Random and usually everyday repulsions that instantly kill any feelings of attraction.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to remember after you watch someone else get an incredibly sweet display.

J

Professions – These have not been this significant in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “banker” is the ideal catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd opt for partners in fields they see as being staffed by the more caring among us: healthcare workers, educators or counselors.

K

Making out – This year, researchers learned that kissing has been around for 16m years. But the days of kissing may be numbered since some gen Z want fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic romance authentic.

Kittenfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your career sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {